I didn’t think that this would be a word that I would use for my husband for many more years. But he died and now I get to learn to deal with this. It’s overwhelming. The thank you cards, the well wishes, the help, the love, the grief, the pain, the numbness, the anger. It’s humbling to have so many people who care about my well being. But all I want to do is hide. I want to close the door on the world and sit in the dark and forget that I am feeling.
Unfortunately, reality kicks me in the face and I realize that I am lucky that I am alive and blessed to be able to hug my daughters, that I have a job that pays my bills and puts food on the table. That I am healthy and loved.
I shouldn’t complain. I got to spend 18 1/2 years longer with my husband because of the heart transplant. I could have been 35 and widowed and our dsaughters wouldn’t have known their father.
So for this very moment I will accept my life and be grateful for the moment. But tomorrow I may feel differently.