I hadn’t looked at my blog since December 10th. And I just noticed that I have two posts that are called Death. You can tell where my mind was and probably still is!
I went to Grief Counseling. I had a client suggest it and at the time I thought “no that isn’t for me” but I went and the first night was horrendous! I couldn’t even talk. Making the step to go meant that I was taking a step towards reality which is accepting that my husband is really dead.
For months I have been in a fog. Telling myself that I was facing the situation and that it would be better one day and guess what!? It isn’t. We are coming upon the six month point of him dying and I am worse now than I was then. I am amazed that while I was in grief counseling everything was fine and dandy and then it proceeded to spin out of control again. But I have decided that I will quit crying and move on with my life. It’s not that I don’t wish he was with me every day, it’s just that I have to let go of my control issues and let life be life.
I have been very blessed to have lived my life to the fullest every moment, good moments and bad and I wouldn’t go back and change a thing and I have accepted that my husband was very, very sick and he was tired of his body. But I have no regrets, only love.