So my computer broke last week and my goal has been to write and publish one blog a week. Well last week it didn’t happen which is fine, because I actually think I am ahead by a week, but that isn’t the point of this blog. The point is that my computer broke! I love my computer. It’s like losing a pet (kind of), or breaking something that was irreplaceable.
As a kid I would get very, very attached to my stuffed animals and if something happened to one of them I would cry and cry because I hurt for them. Unfortunately my computer is like a stuffed animal to me. We’ve been through so much together. I have shared my deepest secrets. I have received photos of my grandchildren through it. I have watched my life change over the last few years on my computer.
The keys are worn where my fingers have hit them. I have a sticker of a colorful worm on the top of the screen that my older granddaughter shared with me that is wrinkled and scratched. It has a memory of everything I have typed in for the last 5 years.
It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that I feel like my right arm has been cut off because I don’t have it! 15 years ago I remember thinking that I would never be able to give up my cell phone. Now I realize that my computer is actually more important to me than my phone. It’s my window to the world. My news channel, the way I learn, the interaction between myself and other people and a place to store my entire life!
I have been depressed all week and I really thought it was just another stage I was going through with losing my husband, but today I realized that I am mourning the loss of my computer. Silly? Yes, extremely, but still a fact that I am going to have to deal with quickly!
Eventually my new computer will be my new love and I will have less anxiety about breaking it in and how it works. Even if I fix my old friend and continue to use it for less important work, our time together will never be the same. I will always be wondering when I turn it on, ‘is the last time I use it before it completely shuts down forever’. For now however, I will mourn the loss of a very close friend and anxiously await the arrival of my new friend.