I said I would Blog 52 times this year and right now I can’t remember the last blog I posted. It’s amazing how life gets in the way of your goals!
Today I decided that I would take one hour just to go outside and enjoy my surroundings. This is not something I get to do very often. Typically when I am outside I am mowing, or weeding or cleaning the beach or something that is considered work. And although I don’t mind doing those things, it is not just sitting around and doing nothing.
So I went out and yes I did rake the sand a little and got rid of the algae, but I also stood at the water’s edge and watched the ripples from the summer breeze and the bugs and birds that dipped into the water.
I saw birds soaring and beautiful puffy clouds and marveled at the blue sky. I laid on my stomach on the dock and watched little schools of fish swimming around. I waited patiently for a big fish to come and scare them, but none came.
I watched my dog Lucy become annoyed with the scores of dragonflies buzzing around her. She finally laid down and stared at me.
And as I sat there looking at my surroundings, I realized I am at peace. Probably only for this very brief moment in my life; but still it is something that I should really take notice of.
It’s not that I don’t miss Terry any less than I did two months ago, but that I know that I am comfortable in my own skin and I am going to be OK without him. I am amazed that it’s alright for me to just be by myself and not have to worry about another human day in and day out.
And yes, I would trade it all in for Terry to be alive; but it wasn’t fair to him, so I have to give up and let go and let life be life and enjoy mine.
I guess this is what summer is all about. Making time to find a little peace.