Category Archives: Silly

Geese

When I started this blog, my intention was to pass on information that I have learned through my life living in a hospital with a sick husband. Since then, my blog really hasn’t been about anything.

Today however, I am going to educate: about Geese.

Damn Geese.

My husband called them flying rats.

I really thought he was being extreme.

Little did I know that he was speaking the truth.

Before we had a pond, I really hadn’t encountered geese. They pass over head in the spring and fall; going to parts unknown, honking all the way. I thought they were kind of cool. To me it signified the beginning of spring and the end of summer.

Then we had a dam built and our pond filled up with water. I build my little beach, put out my chairs and the geese came. They shit everywhere. Now if you are offended by the word shit, please quit reading right now.

They loved my beach. They ate the sand to help digest whatever it is that they eat. And it was really a great place for them to walk ashore without climbing through the weeds. And as they ate the sand it immediately came out the other end.

I was shocked by the amount of shit that came out of their bodies. It’s like having a cold and blowing your nose for days and wondering where all that snot comes from. Yep, geese poop is the same.

My husband and I had done a pretty good job of scaring off the geese, until the year we had to put my mother-in-law in a nursing home. Neither one of us had been around much. I had been working a lot and he had been spending time with his mother because she couldn’t take care of herself. The night that the decision was made to put her in a nursing home we came home to geese on the pond. Three sets of geese.  I said “Terry, go scare those geese away!”

A minute later I hear BOOM (a gunshot)! I go flying out the door. “What are you doing!!!!???”

“I am scaring the geese away” He replied. As we stood there looking at the pond, the three sets of geese returned and landed quietly back in the pond.

“Hmmm, doesn’t look like you scared them at all.” I turned and went back in the house.

BOOM! Another gun shot. I look out the window to see the birds fly off to the south. Good, I am thinking to myself. I yell at my husband “Don’t shoot them!”

Five minutes later I look out and here are the three sets of geese peacefully swimming on the pond. I turn my back.

BOOM! OH MY GOSH! I look out and there in the water is a dead goose. I take off toward the pond! “Why did you shoot the goose?” I yell!

“I didn’t mean to! It just got in my way!”

“Put your waders on and go fish that goose out of the pond! We should probably eat it or something!”

He (I am sure) had some choice words to say to me, but he went down and got the goose and cleaned it and put it in the freezer. The evening never got any better and the next four days were awful.

First of all, geese mate for life. The other two sets of geese flew away. But the one remaining partner stayed. HONK, HONK, HOOONK. He/She cried for days. It was horrible. We woke up to that and went to bed to that. We tried to scare it off, but it didn’t care, it was heartbroken.

Day Five, I looked at my husband and said “Shoot the other one and put it out of its misery.” But I never saw it that day. It may have left or maybe the previous day my husband couldn’t take it any longer and shot it and never told me.

Fast forward to last year. There was a pair of geese swimming around on my pond and in my mind they looked like trouble to me. But by the time I put two and two together I had seven baby geese and two parents swimming on my pond. Oh I know some people are saying “OH but their so cute!”

Then they started growing. Coming ashore and shitting everywhere. My dog would go down and roll in the poop and I would have to wash her off. It was a daily occurrence. I was going crazy. I would run at them screaming. I would drive my mower full bore towards them. I know my neighbors thought I was nuts.

Then one day, when I was screaming and waving my arms and chasing them on my mower; they took off into the sky. I seriously had a moment of pride thinking that I had a hand in teaching them to fly. Getting away from the crazy lady was their inspiration. I was so happy to see them go. The parents didn’t come back last year and neither did the babies. (Thank God).

This year, I had a dozen or so geese land on my pond daily. I told my younger daughter and she bought me a 3D Coyote and put it out on the peninsula. It actually worked for a little bit, most of the geese left. But then I saw this pair of geese swimming on the pond, looking pretty comfortable in their little world. I figure its Mom and Dad from last year.

The mom disappeared a week ago. So Lucy (my dog) and I walked around the pond. I didn’t see the goose or her nest. And I know that if she were dead the male would be crying. But no, he is just swimming around like a proud parent. Two days ago I found the nest. Right next to my windmill!

Seven eggs. Crap, I thought to myself. I am going to have to throw these eggs into the weeds. But all I can think about is their reaction. Are they going to cry and mourn the loss of their babies?

I have to toss these damn geese eggs, thinking of the amount of shit that they produce.

I pondered my decision. I thought about how I would dispose of the geese eggs. I have these long purple rubber gloves that I use when I am pulling things out of my overflow. We have had big turtles get caught in there and there is nothing worse than grabbing something unidentifiable and pulling it to the surface. I really like my rubber gloves. Then I had to get my mind ready; thinking about picking up the eggs and tossing them across the pond to the other side. Far, far away from the nest.

I had finally reconciled this all in my mind when I drove into my driveway and here was a young man (son of a close friend) fishing at the pond. He was headed toward the house and I said “Hey! Can you do me a favor? Did you see the goose nest down there?”

“Yes” he said.

“Could you go throw the eggs into the weeds on the other side of the pond for me?”

“Sure”.

Problem solved.

I woke up yesterday to the mama goose swimming with her head under water. “Did she think they got lost in the pond?”

Today I woke up to . . . NO GEESE. Happy Dance!

Moral of the Story: Always get someone else to do your dirty work.

And Reality: Geese shit a lot, scare the damn things away.

Epilogue: Terry took the frozen goose to a wild game feed and it was made into amazing bacon wrapped goose kabobs. I enjoyed it immensely. So did Terry.

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Cords

 

This morning I came to work and unloaded all my paraphernalia out of my bags that I carry to and from work and I had to untangle all of my cords. Then it hit me: my life is all about cords and how tangled they are sometimes and how connected I am to them.

Sometimes they are really tangled and it takes a little longer to untangle them. Sometimes they are really twisted and you have to straighten them out and sometimes they are perfectly wound up correctly until you make the mistake of plugging them in and they just seem to fall into a heap and you wonder how they can get that messed up so quickly.

The thing about this is that each and every cord is very important in my life and I should spend the extra time making sure that each and every cord is taken care of correctly.

I love all my cords, they come in all shapes, sizes and lengths. Some are extremely important and some are for work only, but without my cords I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

I remember actually that it started out with a TV. cord connecting me to the rest of the world. Then I got a cable cord and I could choose what I wanted to be connected to. Then came a VCR cord which helped me to stay home. Then a computer cord and a cell phone cord and my ipad cord and my family of cords just keeps growing.

It’s sad when one of your cords no longer works. First you are in shock, then you feel guilty that maybe you did something wrong, then anger sets in and you try to bargain to get your cord back. As time goes on your start to accept that you can’t get your cord back.

And of course there are days when you just hate all your cords or you are disappointed in how your cords are working. But amazingly you wake up the next day and all the cords are fine! That is when I realize that I was probably the reason why my cords were acting up. If I just treat them a little nicer then they just snap right out of it!

So here are to all the cords in my life! I wish each of them a wonderful long life with very few kinks!

Julie

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Work and Weirdo’s

Every week I leave my job behind for two whole days and when I leave I think “Thank God, I am leaving those looney people”. It’s not the people that work there; although I have seen my fair share of characters that have worked there for 2 days to 20 years. But I am talking about the not so average person that grace us with their presence.

Last Monday night seemed to just bring them out or maybe we were just slow enough for me to actually observe their behavior.

Everything seemed to be kind of normal until this woman and man came in and sat in my section. She had 9 inch nails painted a sparkled silver. Lovely . . . the lady across the aisle was searching for her friend so she could point out the obvious. The pained and disgusted look on her face told the whole story and I didn’t think she would be able to sit there and eat her food watching those nails clank around on the table.

The “nail” lady couldn’t pick up her silverware properly. She had to curl her hands off to the side and use the outside of her hands to pick up her water and fork. Fascinating actually; like a train wreak, everyone one just stood and stared. We (the wait staff) of course were in the back talking about how in the world did she even wipe her butt!

It was then I notice a young woman wearing a crocheted swimsuit cover-up. First of all, inappropriate for a restaurant, but the best part was that she was wearing a thong bikini. I seriously had to circle her because I couldn’t believe that it was a thong. It was.

In the meantime time one of my other tables had decided to take a picture of the woman with the nails. He walks up to her and said “I am sure you get asked this all the time. Can I take a picture of your nails?”

She replies with “Yes you can take the picture and no one has ever asked me”.

I was dying. When the guy left I so wanted to run after him and give him my number so he could text the picture to me!!!! But I could get fired for solicitation, so I decided to just stay put.

I really don’t know if we have become a society of people who just don’t care about what others think or maybe we have become so “politically correct” that nothing is said to the people that really need to have their asses reamed for being idiots. Is it socially acceptable to wear anything or to grow your nails to the point where they are gross and probably full of bacteria? Have people become really strange or is it my imagination?!

Don’t get me started on butt cracks! That is a daily occurrence at my place of employment.

I am just grateful I am in my little cocoon for a couple of days.

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My Computer

So my computer broke last week and my goal has been to write and publish one blog a week. Well last week it didn’t happen which is fine, because I actually think I am ahead by a week, but that isn’t the point of this blog. The point is that my computer broke! I love my computer. It’s like losing a pet (kind of), or breaking something that was irreplaceable.

As a kid I would get very, very attached to my stuffed animals and if something happened to one of them I would cry and cry because I hurt for them. Unfortunately my computer is like a stuffed animal to me. We’ve been through so much together. I have shared my deepest secrets. I have received photos of my grandchildren through it. I have watched my life change over the last few years on my computer.

The keys are worn where my fingers have hit them. I have a sticker of a colorful worm on the top of the screen that my older granddaughter shared with me that is wrinkled and scratched. It has a memory of everything I have typed in for the last 5 years.

It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that I feel like my right arm has been cut off because I don’t have it! 15 years ago I remember thinking that I would never be able to give up my cell phone. Now I realize that my computer is actually more important to me than my phone. It’s my window to the world. My news channel, the way I learn, the interaction between myself and other people and a place to store my entire life!

I have been depressed all week and I really thought it was just another stage I was going through with losing my husband, but today I realized that I am mourning the loss of my computer. Silly? Yes, extremely, but still a fact that I am going to have to deal with quickly!

Eventually my new computer will be my new love and I will have less anxiety about breaking it in and how it works. Even if I fix my old friend and continue to use it for less important work, our time together will never be the same. I will always be wondering when I turn it on, ‘is the last time I use it before it completely shuts down forever’.  For now however, I will mourn the loss of a very close friend and anxiously await the arrival of my new friend.

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Blog – 52 weeks of Blogging is hard!

This year when I made my Goals, one of them was to blog 52 times this year or once a week. Well let me tell you that coming up with a topic or writing about nothing can be very difficult! Occasionally my thoughts and feeling will propel me into writing and some weeks there is just nothing there between my ears. Some weeks I can’t post what I have written because it may be too close to my heart and I just can’t reveal what I am thinking. Or I re-read it and think “oh that is really stupid” or poorly written or it doesn’t make sense. This week I have nothing to write about!

So I will write about photos (they surround me in my office). They keep my memories alive, but when did we stop putting photos into albums? Many years ago someone would take a picture and we would place it in an album in a somewhat chronological order. Now two things have happened: I have a drawer full of photos that I don’t know exactly what to do with and a phone full of photos that half of them are worthless to me. (I am amazed at the stupid pictures I have taken this past last year!!!).

I think we might be just too busy or it’s just too much work to put photos in albums. Besides, I don’t want to buy an album, because my children don’t want them. We found this out when their Grandma went into a nursing home 8 years ago. We tried to divide them. I honestly don’t think anyone was excited about storing them. My older daughter puts all of her photos on an external hard drive (or two; she takes a lot of photos!). My younger daughter; everything she has is on her phone.

My biggest problem is that I should really start making a photo album for when I am old (no children I am not old yet) but for when I am forgetting who the hell everyone is! I remember doing something like that for my mother-in-law who had Alzheimer’s.

Or . . . maybe we are going back to a day when photos were actually precious. The photos you keep out to look at; important photos. If you were like our family we posed at the front door. Like the first day of school, graduation, or a family gathering.  (I have a couple of those from my family, but also from the family that lived in this house before us!). Now those are photos! Especially the one where my dad let a fart and we are all hysterically laughing. I think that one needs to go into my old age photo book. Can you do that for me girls??? You know this technology thing is just tooooo much for me!!!! (Don’t tell them, but I just don’t want to do it!!!!!

Hoyt at front door

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