I don’t know when it started, but I have this weird need to complete my goals. I feel like my clock is ticking and it’s ticking faster and faster all the time.
I have always been an impatient person, but lately it’s like I am very concerned what is going to happen with my life? I wake up at night with this weird sensation that I need to figure this out. It’s not that I believe that I am going to die in the next 20 years, it’s that I know that every day that I am not moving forward means I have lost another day of my life to inactivity.
And it’s not really scary, just very annoying because I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life! But I really didn’t know what I wanted to do with the beginning of my life, so it shouldn’t faze me. However, now that I know what I know: Law of attraction; positive thinking; see it, feel it, be it; you know all of that stuff; I am constantly struggling to figure out what I want out of life now!
It’s only been 20 months since Terry died, but when you’re in your 50’s 20 months is a long time to just flounder in life! I have always said “Wait six months and your life will change” but I don’t want to wait anymore! I want to make my life better for me! I want to be happy with everything I do and right this second I am not! (Yelling at this point!)
That’s really not true, (Thinking rationally again). I am probably happier than the average person because I know that today is my only day for today, so I have to make the best of it, but gosh darn it what is it that I want for tomorrow?!
Who knows, I sure as heck don’t. When Terry was alive I had a mission of trying to keep him alive and relatively healthy. Now I get up and think; eggs or cereal what’s my choice. Maybe I am a little bored? I did so much for so long that now that I do not have to fight for everyday to have Terry with me I am underwhelmed with my life.
Hmmm, I think I may have just solved my own problem. Amazing. One thing I do know, I won’t be going out and finding a new problem to fix! I am going to stick with eggs and cereal for a while, wait six months and give myself a break!