Tag Archives: Living by myself

Will I know how to live after Prairie Meadows?

After 8 years, (technically 7 ½) I will be quitting Prairie Meadows. Easter Sunday at 11 p.m. I will be punching out and closing that door to a very stressful time in my life.

While I was there; three grandchildren were born, a husband died. I quit my real estate job, started up my real estate job again and created a ton of new friends.

What I missed out on? Birthdays, I think I had to work for both of my daughter’s 30th. I am sure missed tons of family time. Time with my husband. Countless holidays. A million friend’s events; weddings, anniversaries, birthday’s, deaths. Enough said.

I am questioned about entertainment and news events quite a bit:

“Have you seen . . .?” “No I always respond, someday”

“Have you read . . .?” “No, someday”

“Did you hear about . . ?” This one I am grateful that I do not know because 99% of the time it is about something horrific and I just don’t want any of that in my mind to think about.

Come Monday morning March 28th I will be able to reconnect. Amanda told me I will have 9 hours a week more just to do personal business, such as banking, doctor’s appointments and actually be in my office to do more work. She also figured that I would have an additional 30 hours in the evening to do whatever the heck I want! Seeing family, friends, knitting, writing, watching movies I missed, reading books that I have wanted to read, playing with my flowers, working, sitting on the beach or possibly just doing nothing. Plus I will have an additional 5 hours a week to be able to sleep.

It’s so scary to think that I will be relying on one job to pay my bills, buy I also know that I am very capable of doing just that. I am also scared because now it will be just me. To live my life with just me. To come home at night to just me (and Lucy).

And you ask yourself “well haven’t you been coming home to you for the last three years?”. I have been, but when you walk into the house at 11:30 at night, you fall into bed and don’t have to deal with the empty house syndrome.

I was off a couple of times in the last two years for a few weeks because of surgeries and I know what it will feel like, but I also knew I was going back to Prairie Meadows and it was just a temporary stay at home.

I have had the most horrendous panic attacks this last week, each one getting a little better. Amanda suggested that I make a list of all the people I want to see and the things I want to do and every time I have a panic attack I pull out my list! Great advice.

I am so excited to be done. A lot of my “young” friends started there just after me and finished high school and then have since finished college and they are now starting their “new” lives with their “new” jobs. They will be gone and I will miss seeing them and working with them, so it seems fitting for me to also move on. They have graduated and now it is also time for me to graduate.

I never lived by myself until Terry died, but I was never home long enough to call it living. So now I will start my new life living by myself. I am sure I will love every minute of it!

Maybe I need another dog!

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