I have always said that if you look back you will be shocked how much your life changes. It happens in three months, six months, and year increments and sometimes on a daily basis. It isn’t always good change, but it’s always different. It can be as wonderful as a new baby or as heart retching as the loss of a loved one. It could be that new job, house or hair style. Children going to school, parents moving someplace warm, friends retiring, children moving back home. Everyday is a gift. It’s just not always the gift that we think we want.
At the beginning of 2018 I honestly thought I would be writing in my blog more often, sharing some of my ridiculous stories of life. Talking about the dumb things I have seen or encountered, but instead I fell in love. I know you are saying but that is a wonderful gift and I agree 100%, but it isn’t what I thought I wanted.
You see I had this funny idea that if I just went out to dinner occasionally with a man or go to a concert then love would never come into play and my heart would never again get broken, so that’s how I thought dating should work. Silly me. I honestly went into a relationship with rules.
- Man can never take away from time spent with family.
- Man can never take away from time spent with friends.
- Man must only be seen for occasional dinners, movies and concerts.
- Man may not stay over.
- Man may not sleep in same bed. (now I am not a prude – but if they slept in the same bed or stayed over then there was a possibility that I would get attached to said man). And I really like my sleep.
- Man may not interfere with job.
Realistically I just described time spent with a dog! Good lord! Where did all these preconceived ideas come from? You know what’s worse? There are more rules than just these 6!
So I started dating this incredible man 15 days after I posted my last blog about letting go and I’ll be darn but within 2 months I was like a ridiculous school girl blushing because I couldn’t think about anything else but him! WHOAAA!!!
About four months into the relationship I realized that he was spending time with my family and spending time with my friends. Dinners became every night and movies and concerts happened frequently. Staying over consisted of deciding which house would we stay at that night by who had the early morning appointment. And if the truth be known, I have interfered as much in his job as he has in mine (which honestly in the scheme of life doesn’t really have any importance). And for my sleep, I was shocked to find that it doesn’t seem to matter, I slept fine when he was in the same bed!
So here it is three years later and I think my ridiculous rules are gone and my head is back on straight. My thought process was all about fear. And it was about being inflexible in my thinking and trying to control life, when in reality; we don’t get to have any say in much of anything in life. Almost everything is out of our control. We get to choose to go right or left, up or down, stop or start, but reality is that we just need to roll with the punches. And sometimes we put silly restrictions on how it can change.
2018 made me realize that sometimes just letting life happen can be the best part about life. To take a step back and accept everyday as a gift. To not interfere in your own life. To enjoy the gifts that we have been given and to be grateful.
In 2019 we got engaged, exactly one year from our first date. So I do have one last rule and that was about getting married. I don’t want to get married. I can’t explain it, but as of today I still think getting married at my age is silly. But a commitment is important like getting engaged. It’s tough to decide what you are doing with your life if you don’t know if that other person will be in your life 5 years from now. I guess that’s why you get married, to make sure they are??? Harder for them to leave you when the going gets tough??? When you are young it’s about starting a life with someone and having children. When you are older its more about wanting that person to be beside you as you navigate your retirement years. I am not retired yet and nor is he, but it’s in our plans for our future. Where we will be, what our day will look like, who will we see, how much golf can we get in – that sort of thing.
2020 brought Covid with lots of time spent with my fiancé and I have to tell you we had a ball! It was a great way to learn if we could spend our retirement years together and we have decided that we can so maybe in a few years . . . but for now working is still a good thing!
Happy New Year! Let go of your rules in life and see where it takes you!!!